Just wanted to let you know I’m still blogging but haven’t posted lately because I’ve been busy. I will try to post soon.
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while or been reading your blogs much, I’ve been tired from my sinuses I think. Today I feel grumpy and generally it’s my sinuses that do that to me. PMS is already past so it’s not that. I’ve got things to do but don’t seem to have the energy. Maybe it’s S.A.D. coming on me now that it gets dark here shortly after 5 pm. My mood has not been low but I have noticed some irritability in myself since turning the clocks back over a week ago. I really dislike this time of year. Despite my best intentions for learning to enjoy winter it’s difficult when it causes one to suffer in mood. Guess I’ll have to try my light therapy.
Anyone else noticing S.A.D. symptoms coming on lately too?
I know I’ve written about this subject to an extent before on my blog but I wanted to expand on it a bit. My whole life I have had an inability to rationalize and normalize abnormal behaviour. It seems the rest of my family is pretty adept at it but I am not. I grew up in an atmosphere of chaos and recognized it instinctually that my family wasn’t normal. Maybe other people have this experience too and just don’t talk about it. But the people in my family seem rather good at ignoring abnormal/unhealthy behaviour writing it off as no big deal essentially. I just don’t understand how they do this. How do you see someone in a state where they are not functioning well yet nobody will admit to it.
only admitted there was a problem after mom was to the point she couldn’t find her way home if she walked further than the end of the street. Only when she had lost significant portions of her grey matter did they accept mom was ill. WTF?! She was ill for a long time before then yet they chose to put their heads in the sand and pretend it wasn’t there.
Okay, you can say it’s normal for people to be in denial about a family member’s illness if they are an enabler or used to it. But I’m talking about family that were not around often and had fresh perspective yet still chose to ignore the obvious. Or was it only obvious to me? It would seem you need to be knocked over the head with a hammer in my family before you admit to problems existing. My sister and I both saw how ill mom was but we didn’t have any power so it was of little consequence our recognizing anything amiss.
Is it just a natural way to cope denying there are problems in your life? Or is this just something dysfunctional families do? My family is most definitely dysfunctional. What is your experience?
"Toxic relationships not only make us unhappy; they corrupt our attitudes and dispositions in ways that undermine healthier relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things can be." — Michael Josephson
What is a toxic relationship? It's one that diminishes you, that erodes you, that defeats you.
We all experience conflicts, disagreements and difficulties in our interactions with others.
Sorry for not being around lately to post and read/comment on your blogs; I’ve been tired lately as I’ve had to get up early for the past 2 weeks. Last week our kitchen sink was leaking and we had called a plumber but they kept ‘blowing us off’ because whenever we called to check what was going on they were on another call! They had told us they would come Tuesday morning (Oct. 29) then it was Thursday morning and they couldn’t manage that so told us the afternoon. By that point we were frustrated from getting the ‘run around’ and having to keep calling them to find out what the status was on where they were at. Finally we just told them not to come and we called another plumbing company that came when they told us and fixed our sink. It was just nuts how the other company treated us like we didn’t matter because our problem wasn’t overly serious. We ended up needing our faucets and drain replaced as it had rotted out. We have a new kitchen faucet now that doesn’t leak! Yay
Anyway, I had gotten up early Tuesday and Thursday last week for the plumbers and the weekend messed my sleep up having the clocks go back an hour here. So by Monday when I had to get up early for the plumbers it was wearing on me. Long story short I had to get up early Tuesday and Wed. for other reasons and today I was supposed to be up at 5 am so my dad and I could be on the road early to drive the 3 hrs. to see an aunt and uncle of mine. Unfortunately, at the time I was to get up I realized there was no way I was getting up and to do so would be masochistic. End result being my dad went on his own and I stayed home. I did get up by 6:30 am but I was just not alert and felt like having to go for a three hr. drive to have a one hour visit was more than I could muster the energy for.
Yesterday, I had my counselling appointment where we discussed my desire to be able to let go of my attachment to my aunt’s (a different aunt from the one my dad’s visiting today) opinions of me. This aunt was my mom’s favourite sister and I think there’s some transference going on (for me) because she tries to act like a parent to me and I end up feeling angry. She also has ideas about what I ‘should’ be doing with my life and has shown disapproval for my search for an authentic life. Her opinion is I should have a job doing something (doesn’t matter what) that pays at least minimum wage or more and being unemployed I am just not acting like an adult. I guess I am being too self indulgent being unemployed and poor! Apparently, I’m just not ‘putting myself out there’ enough and trying. I can only shake my head. The problem is I don’t really tell my aunt my personal feelings and issues because she’s not terribly empathetic so she simply sees me unemployed and figures I’m not trying hard enough. One could argue if I told her the details/reasons for my actions her opinion of me might change for the better. But why on earth do I even owe her details about my life? I don’t! She is nosy and interferes in other’s business thinking she knows what’s best for you.
So next time I see my counsellor we’re going to try some Gestalt or ‘empty chair’ therapy out to allow me to give voice to my own opinions regarding my busy-body aunt! I’ll let you know how it goes if it actually works or I am unable to get into the role for it to work. Ostensibly, I’ll be myself and my counsellor will be my aunt. Well that is what I am guessing.
That’s all I am able to write for now as my brain is still not completely ‘on’ yet
I came across this post by another blogger which may not be to some people’s taste but this is my blog so I’m posting! Her blog is called Raise Your Vibration and is about esoteric type things I enjoy but may not be for everyone. So just warning you in case you really dislike esoteric kind of stuff.
Great post on dealing with trauma even though the title doesn’t say so.
So we were supposed to have the plumber come see us today about our leaking kitchen sink pipe; however a bunch of
emergencies came up and the plumbers had to take care of those before anyone else. Apparently schools take priority over private homeowners Lets just say I am not too happy and am issuing profanities in my head to the little SO.B. kiddies that clogged the toilets and sinks (dispatcher informed my dad about the cause of delay). Now I have to wait until Thursday to have the plumber fix our pipes. Meanwhile, pots and pans are still cluttering the floor and counter. I am so annoyed! I’m not a fan of kids in the first place so this is just annoying me that much more (yes, I AM childfree-thank goodness!).
Really, I was in a good mood until I was informed plumber wouldn’t be able to come until Thursday! Grrr Back to my relaxation soundtracks so my blood pressure will go down again.
© Natalya, 2013.
Yesterday evening I was very proud of myself as I finally washed all the dishes in the sinks and cleaned the sinks too. After I had put everything away and had the kitchen looking reasonable my dad looked under the sink (several hours later) and found a drip from the pipes that had leaked onto the cupboard floor board. I was out of the room when he found it and when I came back he had pots and pans all over the floor, counters and stove top! I was so irritated and peeved my efforts to keep the kitchen clean had come apart. I’d gone from feeling satisfied with myself to fuming, LOL. Dad was wiping up the excess water under the sink and I was wringing my hands metaphorically and trying to not “flip out”. Fortunately, I didn’t do anything too reprehensible, aside from being overtly irritable and impolite. As it was nearing midnight I stalked off to bed hoping to sleep off my irritation.
The plumber can’t come ’til tomorrow so I have to put up with a bunch of pots and pans on the floor and counter until they fix the pipe(s). Grrrrr! I’m less irritable than last night but still peeved because I really, really hate messes especially after I just finish making a space clean and tidy.
Things could be worse so no need to remind me of that. I am simply venting!
Let’s visualize what a peaceful world will look like. For this month’s peace challenge, I challenge you to publish what your dream of peace looks like. Here are a few prompts. Feel free to use one or create your own.
- With as much detail as possible, describe a day in a world full of peace.
- What would the radio, internet, television sound/look like in a peaceful world?
- Pick a spot in the world today that has conflict and re-vision this area as peaceful.
- What would all the people who are in active duty to conflict do if we had world peace? How would we alter our spending, resources, and brain power if we didn’t have to worry about war?
- Describe the world you want your children to live in. How would they feel? What would they be doing and with whom?
- Pretend you are the only one living who remembers a world without peace. How would you describe how grateful you are to be living in a peaceful world?
Don’t forget to link to at least one other B4Peace post and add your post to the Linkz collection.
I realize I haven’t done a B4 Peace monthly challenge in a while; yes, I feel guilty for that so when I checked October’s challenge and saw what it was I had to do it. What would a world look like at peace? Now there’s a challenge I can attempt!
In my view a peaceful world would entail one where we are all self aware and able to meditate on a regular basis. We would
all have a reasonable grasp on ethics and possess a moral and ethical compass inside us that never failed us. Our minds would not be full of a million meaningless things but mindfully aware of the moment we’re alive in. Distractions would be unnecessary because we would have no emotional scars repressed or suppressed in our subconscious and unconscious mind; thus we would not have pain to seek escape from through distraction. Our hearts would be filled with loving kindness and endless compassion for ourselves and others.
Arbitrary concepts that oppress people would be eliminated because we would be beyond the need to control others through oppression. Our enlightened minds would embrace everyone’s differences knowing we are all in this world together wishing to love and be loved. Through that awareness we would not even consider rejecting people based on concepts that separate us. Each individual would have their needs met easily since not wanting to oppress anyone we would live without poverty; thus our attention could be placed on cultivating our enlightenment. No one would even think about war because in our self awareness we would recognize the only problem is inside our mind and anger is a reflection of who we are not anyone else. People could still disagree and have differences of opinion but they would not culminate in anything more than a healthy debate.
The compassion and love inside each and every individual would effectively prevent wars from taking place; furthermore, our self awareness would also aid in mediating any conflicts that might arise leading us to make smart decisions, such as walking away or taking a few deep breaths if necessary. If anyone got to a critical state where there was anger the parties involved would be evolved enough to take time out to meditate on the folly of their ways. After sufficient meditation the anger would be gone or reduced to a reasonable degree and tensions would evaporate or diminish substantially. Denial and any other type of defence mechanism would also be unnecessary since these tend to arise when we feel afraid or uncomfortable facing a situation or truth. Similarly, honesty would be our default mode and lying would be seen as an ethical lapse requiring us to inquire within why we felt lying was permissible.
A peaceful world requires us to develop compassion for ourselves and others. Greed is a leading cause in wars so this is something everyone would have to consciously monitor themselves for. Being filled with compassion and love for everyone we would not wish to take more than we need however, thus mitigating the risk for malignant greed developing. In order to maintain our peaceful world we would all have to be evolved enough to the stage where we possess awareness of who we are; thus not blaming others for our own errors.
I think world peace is a long way off for us but it is not impossible. It begins with you and me though. If each one of us looked within ourselves and found inner peace we would radiate that to the outside world. Through our inner peace we would “infect” others with our positive vibrations leading to more people seeking their own inner peace. We cannot find peace OUTSIDE of us. Peace is found INSIDE ourselves. This is where we need to look if we wish to have world peace someday. To get there is as easy as sitting on a meditation cushion/bench or chair for 5 to 10 minutes if new to the practice and longer for more seasoned practitioners.