As some of you may know, if you regularly read my blog, I started a portfolio development workshop a month ago. Monday we had our “second” session after finally having a decent day without snow. The chronological timeline I had done two weeks ago, I passed in. My timeline was long compared to some but the length wasn’t important so it was fine. We had more people too so I was feeling less comfortable. I really prefer groups in the 4-8 range, preferably at the lower end. We had 10 on Monday which felt like a lot to me. Also, we ended up getting a new member who, in my opinion, talks too much! She is very verbose that’s all. Nice but verbose, lol. Thankfully other members spoke too though so it wasn’t a case of one member dominating the group. We have a bunch of questions this week we have to answer. They’re to encourage reflection on who we are and what we have done which is what I enjoy. I’ve a good idea of who I am but will have to of course find the appropriate words to express it. The what have I done and my resulting skills will make me think a bit more. I’m not usually as good at identifying what I’ve done and the skills associated but will manage!
Tuesday was my second counselling session I’ve had with my new counsellor (regular readers will know I started seeing a counsellor a few weeks ago for working on myself). It went well. We actually discussed my homework I’d done for the portfolio workshop since it was relevant. I continued to talk about my background and my counsellor said I was resilient. This was nice but not a shock to me by any means since I have already identified myself that way before. She was curious about how I had overcome as much as I have. To which I responded, almost immediately, my independent personality. Alone, my independence hasn’t been what’s saved me but it certainly helped. I suppose I am different from some people in not needing constant companionship/company; on the other hand it has meant I’ve been alone most of my life, aside from a few friends over the years who’ve come and gone. I don’t regret this but would appreciate it if I could have a positive friendship or two that involves people I can actually meet up with in real life. Online friends are wonderful but you can’t go out with them for coffee or a day of shopping.
My counsellor drew attention to the fact I wish to work on my boundaries but have actually had strong physical boundaries; in the sense that I have not allowed anyone to touch me if I didn’t want them to. This is true but I’ve also been a tad rigid too. I barely hug people, never mind an intimate relationship with anyone. In a sense I’ve been too shut off from receiving physical affection because I hated my mother constantly touching me without respect for my feelings. It became a defense against anyone triggering me into reliving my mother’s invasive behaviours. Unfortunately, I need to work on achieving a ‘happy medium’ if I ever hope to have a meaningful romantic relationship with someone. My emotional or psychological boundaries are the ones I need the most help with though. Not that I am without any boundaries but I still struggle to keep them in place.
This past Monday I bought myself a yellow citrine and carnelian crystal to help with my sacral and solar plexus chakras. I’m not sure how to make best use of them yet. Initially I thought I’d put them in a ‘cage’ and wear it as a necklace but maybe I’ll meditate with them instead. I guess I’ll have to think about it a bit more. My book on chakras that mentions the crystals for each chakra says citrine can be for the sacral and solar plexus, the only difference I noticed was it said yellow citrine for the solar plexus and just citrine for the sacral chakra. Anyone know what the difference is?