Well I talked about this on my other blog and I want to share it here too. For most of my life I remained silent about the sexual abuse I received. It was shameful not knowing the abuse I had suffered had a name and was actually experienced by other daughters as children. What am I talking about you may be wondering, well I was not sexually abused by a man so I mistakenly believed I was never sexually abused. That is until in therapy after describing something my psychologist pointed out it was actually sex abuse! I couldn’t believe it at first. How could my own mother have sexually abused me? But the more I looked honestly at the abuse the more I recognized it for what it was-MDSA (mother daughter sex abuse). This lead me to being able to see myself as the victim and it was therapeutic to a point. But seeing myself go from a bad, shameful child to a victim of MDSA didn’t help me initially.
It’s been two years since I had the therapy session where the truth was exposed and in those two years I didn’t realize it but I’d become a victim. In my mind I’d gone from being a survivour to a victim upon finding out about the MDSA. Thus, these past two years I’ve spent feeling sorry for myself and wanting to hide from the world. The depression I’d been dealing with intensified and my mental health deteriorated. For some reason I couldn’t figure out why this had happened to me. Why had I suffered and never known there was a name for it? Nobody ever mentioned to me before that women-especially mothers, could sexually abuse their children. How could I take in this information and feel healed? Well I couldn’t, to begin with. But two years later I have discovered others who’ve suffered the same kind of abuse from their mothers that I had. Thank goodness for WordPress! Who knows how long I’d have gone feeling like a victim if not for other bloggers brave enough to share their experiences.
I am so grateful other women are talking about this type of abuse. It tends to get treated like it’s minor compared to males who sexually abuse children. But having your mother sexually abuse you is NOT a rose garden in comparison to one’s father doing the abuse. Just because there’s no penis involved doesn’t make it less traumatizing for us who experienced it. We have every right to feel the same disgust those abused by men feel. More importantly though, we have the right to have your equal sympathy you give for survivours of sex abuse from fathers/males. Female perpetrators are just as damaging and hurt their victims/survivours maybe even more than male perpetrators. Feeling like your abuse isn’t abuse because of the perpetrator’s gender is terrible. It makes you(me) feel like ‘nothing much’ happened. That is so invalidating. You can’t know how badly it hurts to be ignored by support groups and self help books because all they talk about is men abusing children. It’s this collective denial of mothers sexually abusing children that made me unaware for most of my life I’d been sexually abused.
So I think it’s time we brought this type of abuse out of the shadows. Pretending it doesn’t exist helps no one, not even the perpetrators because they don’t get treatment. Male sex offenders get treatment because people talk about it but when the abuse is ignored how can it be dealt with? How can female sex offenders be treated if no one acknowledges they are sexual offenders? I fully recognize many women abusers have been abused themselves but so have men sexual abusers in many instances. We don’t let them off the hook, do we?
This is probably a lot to take in if you’re new to this type of abuse. So I have a helpful link here you can visit for more information http://kalimunro.com/wp/articles-info/sexual-emotional-abuse/mother-daughter-sexual-abuse (I found it on another blogger’s page so I’ll include her blog link here http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2009/08/02/mother-daughter-sexual-abuse-links/).Please visit the site and read this article. Do it for the women who’ve experienced MDSA and never knew what to call it. Do it so maybe someone you know can get the help they need if you begin to be aware of this kind of almost unrecognized abuse by our mainstream culture. Or just read it so you can start to feel sympathy for those who’ve had women sexually abuse them. It isn’t just daughters/girls but sons/males too. But I wanted to focus on the daughters because we’re ignored so much by the media and even support workers for sexual abuse. To read about boys sexually abused by women visit the link here http://kalimunro.com/wp/articles-info/sexual-emotional-abuse/male-sexual-abuse-victims-of-female-perpetrators