Well I had brunch with my aunt and grandmother today. It went well, or better than expected anyway. My grandmother was quite forgetful and asked me more than several times the same questions again. She also repeated her sage advice to me numerous times! I didn’t mind though. She had lost some of her social filter from what I could tell and didn’t have the same ability to tell stories like she did last time I saw her (a year ago). The dementia has certainly had an effect on her. She couldn’t remember my name but knew who I was and you know hearing her advice repeated over and over again was sort of therapeutic. She couldn’t remember having said certain things already so just said them again which was kind of like hearing affirmations!
Having an 86 year old woman tell me what I should do didn’t bother me. Somehow
it seemed okay because she was speaking from experience and her words did have wisdom in them.My aunt didn’t really bother with questioning me much so I was grateful. I didn’t have to set my boundaries firmly in place. It was my grandmother who bluntly asked if I was working. Since she has dementia this was forgivable. Her diminution of social graces lent her an honesty I could respect.
It’s interesting that I’m able to pick up on symptoms of dementia in those afflicted with it. Some people seem quite willing to make excuses and be in denial about their loved ones with the illness. I, on the other hand, am different. No surprises there! Even when my mom had her various issues I could see them and didn’t pass them off as normal or an eccentricity. My dad isn’t very observant when it comes to human behaviour so he thought my grandmother was just fine today! I pointed out all the things I’d noticed and he seemed to have been somewhere else entirely from his assessment, which consisted of “well your grandmother looked good today”. Oy! 😛
Anyway, I thought the difference was marked even if she looked relatively normal/like her old self. She’s on medication for her dementia and can’t look after herself properly so is living with one of her adult children. It’s possible she may need to go into long term care soon if family can’t keep up with her increasing needs. I feel sad about this.
Hopefully my intuition of her only lasting several months is
catastrophic thinking on my part. I’m sure she’ll likely last a while yet. Then again, she can’t be on her own and has hallucinations and delusions despite being on medication. She’s not the sort who would want to live many years in such a condition. This is not fun stuff to think about 😦 Guess I am overdue for a death now. Last time I dealt with one was my grandfather after he’d fallen and hit his head in 2009. The year 2008 was my mom and a former client of a group home I’d worked in who had cancer. 2010 was the year I learned of my abuse being mother daughter sex abuse, which at the time felt like a death of sorts. I made it through 2011 without any deaths or painful revelations(apart from not qualifying for a student loan and being unable to return to university for the Masters degree I was admitted for), and 2012 has been reasonable, aside from financial concerns and being unable to go back to university still.
I’m not sure what’s next for me or what the new year will hold. All I know is now, this moment and nothing else. Thus, I shall exist in the moment and attempt foregoing fortune telling (aka worrying about the future). What else is there but the ‘now’? Eckhart Tolle may finally be percolating into my consciousness (I’m alluding to Tolle’s book The Power of Now). Be one with the Universe and all that good stuff now my lovely readers.