Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have

A Mixed Bag


426283_384264288265634_70141815_nYesterday was my first portfolio workshop session. We had a good turnout compared to the few who came for the information session a few weeks ago. Our group is about 8 people of different ages and backgrounds. It was a humbling experience to see some had not managed to have an easy life but were doing their best. I felt that many of the things I’ve done and took for granted were actually more than some manage to accomplish. So I suppose it was a reality check that provided me with a sense of greater perspective. Perhaps it was a feeling of gratitude for what I have been able to do in my life even if I don’t always feel successful.

Later I ruined things a bit by eating dairy and having egg salad not long after. Both things can give me trouble digestive wise. Dairy more so though. My stomach felt awful and I didn’t enjoy my afternoon at all. By evening I was feeling a little better once the Gravol had done its job.

556890_516649315021559_1692846626_nToday I had my first appointment with my new counselor. She’s a lovely person that I immediately connected with. She reminded me of my last psychologist I had before leaving university. Unfortunately she’s an intern half way through her time at the place I go so we have three months together. I’m going to go twice a month because it’s $40.00 each appointment so more than that would be too much for me. My dad is actually the one paying so I am very grateful he is doing this for me. Hopefully the six sessions I have with my new counselor will help. I felt like I was able to open up and shared quite a lot about my history, including abuse I’d suffered (although not the specifics). It felt good to have my concerns and feelings validated.

Actually, come to think of it, that appointment I had today with my counselor was probably the only time I’ve ever been able to comprehensively tell my ‘story’ on the first meeting. My trust levels have increased a great deal so I felt like I could share a lot and didn’t feel anxiety. In the past, when my mom was still alive, I’d go to therapy and have anxiety about disclosing certain things. There was a lot of shame and secrecy left in me then so sharing wasn’t always productive. I often withheld information and repressed a lot. This time I felt a willingness to disclose as much as I could in a cogent narrative. The fact I managed to recall as much as I did and the dates to go with the stuff surprised me in a good way.



I’d gone to my counselor today worried about what would happen and had a very positive experience, apart from the tears (crying) and jamming my middle fingernail in the door to the counseling office. Although I’d been concerned about who I would be working with I realized those concerns didn’t impede me from sharing my history once there in person. My worry was about if I’d like the counselor and if I’d have to ask to see someone else; luckily, my experience went well and I feel quite comfortable with this new counselor I have. Too bad she’s only around for three more months (end of April). All the same I think 6 sessions will go a long way toward me feeling better about myself. I’m feeling hopeful.

Β©Natalya, 2013.


Author: Natalya

Blogging my thoughts and feelings about mostly mental health, meditation and spirituality(non religious). Hoping to connect with other interesting people in the blogosphere. *The name is Russian and is my pseudonym.

23 thoughts on “A Mixed Bag

  1. I believe we all have the power to heal ourselves. I’ll post more about my healing journey and helpefully it will help. Best wishes to you.

  2. I got more work done in two months time with an intern specializing in trauma that I did in years of counseling. Yes, I am serious. She was a Godsend.

    • That’s awesome! I believe you. I had two psychology interns that helped me immensely, far more so than the therapists I’d seen prior to them. Interns tend to be more open minded and willing to listen because they haven’t got decades of experience; hence, they often approach things in different ways and are willing to explore avenues a more seasoned therapist might avoid.

  3. It’s wonderful you found a connection with this person, so very important. And I really enjoyed the mirror pic very appropriate

  4. Great! Sounds very positive πŸ™‚ xx

    • Thanks! It was positive in spite of the tears and retelling painful things that happened. It felt good to say what I was troubled about and be validated for it.

  5. That’s great news! Baby steps I call it and your doing wonderfully! Hugs Paula xxx

  6. Hey, I’m so glad to hear that the appointment went well. Btw, what is a portfolio exactly? Like a resume?

    • Thanks Jenny! A portfolio is a compilation of your concrete achievements, such as awards and certificates, resume, diplomas, skills, degrees, and whatever you want to add that shows who you are. It’s not so much for getting a job-more a way to take inventory of what stuff you’ve done. Some people modify theirs and take it to a job interview if it’s appropriate.

  7. That’s wonderful, sorry about your finger though!

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