Why am I feeling guilty right now for declining to babysit for my sister on the weekend? I have no reason to feel guilty. I did nothing wrong. My sister didn’t have to go anywhere important. Yet I am thinking I am selfish for wanting my Saturday to be mine. It doesn’t matter really because it’s for her and her partner to go out together for a few hours. They have other help but I feel guilty because I love my niece. Still, I don’t feel like going out Saturday to babysit for several hours when I have been tired lately. Also, I have my portfolio development workshop on Monday (provided it’s not cancelled again!) and I haven’t done my “homework” for that yet.
Just because I’m not employed doesn’t mean I haven’t got rights to spending my time the way I wish to. I think my sister believes I ought to be available because I haven’t got a paying job. This blog and my social media sites have become a job to me in a sense-but an enjoyable one. Or else I would not still be doing it as there’s no money involved. At any rate I’m glad I didn’t let my knee-jerk response of being nice and agreeable take over! In the past I’d have agreed out of guilt because I didn’t wish to be seen as selfish or uncaring. Now I know I am neither of those things even if I decline to babysit. If I didn’t have my portfolio stuff to do and wasn’t tired from some bug or other I likely would have given in. But as it is I’m pleased I held my ground.
She might phone tomorrow to talk to me because she only talked to my dad this evening. The thing is she will likely only phone to ask me to babysit or do something else for her if she didn’t manage to get someone else. She never phones unless she wants something. I don’t like when she phones because it’s rarely for a pure conversation. There’s almost always a hidden agenda. She’ll beat around the bush for a bit then ask whatever it is she really phoned for. I can tell by her tone of voice when she wants something. We don’t have much in common in terms of values, beliefs or even interests so we don’t have very much to discuss. Hence, the reason she typically phones is to get something.
I’ve come to believe my sister has some Narcissism like my mother had. Not that she’s anywhere as bad as my mother but she fits the profile. I’d never considered her to have NPD before because my mom was the one I was always focused on. But another blogger talked about her experience with a narcissistic sibling and I couldn’t help thinking my sister was much the same. It saddens me to think my sister has NPD but I had long ago concluded she had some type of personality disorder. I may be the “identified patient” in my family but there are a whole lot of other nutty people in my family. I’m actually reasonably sane considering all the therapy I’ve been through. The rest of my family is content to be nuts and pretend other people are the real problem.
Anyway, I don’t feel guilty now but dislike that I felt an automatic guilt response at saying no initially. Thankfully I have learned that I can say no and have rights to things I didn’t realize until learning about healthy boundaries. If my sister phones tomorrow I am going to still decline babysitting if she asks me. I think I struggle with talking with her because she judges me thinking I have it easy. Thus she feels she has the right to treat me like I don’t have any(rights). Since I have gotten better boundaries and learned about my rights though she has been backing off a bit. I think it’s important when you deal with people who don’t have great boundaries that your own are as strong as possible. You might think it’s unfair to have to be the vigilant one but I would rather protect my rights then be lax about it and be sorry later.
Sorry to be slightly negative today. Hope everyone is well this Thursday or Friday depending on where you live. 😀