Question: How have you changed in the past two years?
Holy molly, how have I changed in the past two years? Let me see…I am more confident in
myself than I used to be. My weight doesn’t preoccupy my mind every moment of the day and I have not weighed myself since 2010! In fact to remain in ‘remission‘ from my eating disorder I find I can’t weigh myself or I get obsessed/hyper focused on the number. Lately I have wanted to weigh myself out of curiosity but am afraid I’ll freak out if it’s not what I expected. So I just go by how my clothes fit now.
Besides my eating disorder being in remission I have forgiven my mother for abusing me as a child. I have mourned/grieved everything I lost as a child from being abused and neglected and I have stopped being angry all the time. Not being angry constantly is wonderful because it allows me to feel other emotions more readily. It’s not been a ‘cake walk‘ these past two years by any means but I have grown as a person. My social phobia is a lot better but I still don’t enjoy going out much. I do go out more often but not as much as I ought to if I want to quit being a hermit!
I’m not playing computer games 24/7 anymore either! Until I started blogging I was playing quite a few games on facebook which took up a lot of time. Now I only play one game and it’s for an hour at most-usually less. Sometimes I even forget to play and don’t mind. Aside from quitting playing computer games as my full time hobby I started decluttering in a major way this year. There is a remarkable difference in how it feels inside my home since clearing out a tonne of clutter and cleaning like a maniac too. The energy is less stifled and flows more easily. That might not make any sense if you don’t sense/perceive energy but if you do you’ll know what I mean. Now I can sit down in my kitchen or living room and not feel hopeless and despairing about its state because it looks half decent now.
The biggest changes for me these past two years have been in clearing out large amounts of old unwanted stuff and other clutter, as well as becoming more confident and less negative. I try to focus on the positive and be optimistic even if it may seem delusional at times! lol By far the greatest change has been feeling like I matter. I still have my moments during PMS, LOL, but by and large I feel a lot better about myself. It can be challenging to feel good about myself because I’m unemployed but I believe I am more than a job title. Plus, I have taken to helping my dad as an informal caregiver of sorts as he has a bad hip needing replacement. So I feel like I am contributing even if it doesn’t pay anything.
Thanks for reading 🙂