Question: Someone who fascinates you and why?
My mother fascinates me. She is no longer living but I am still trying to piece together who she
was and what made her who she was whilst she was alive. Apparently my mother was very different before she had my twin sister and I. My twin died shortly after birth and I think perhaps that changed her. She used to be more “normal” before she had the twins and lost my sister. From photos I found of her recently I hardly recognized her. It’s like she was a different person and that’s why other people had such different memories of her. I feel like I got the short end of the stick though because I never knew the woman they remember as she “disappeared” by the time I was born.
Maybe it’s coincidence but it is hard not to think something happened to make her so different from who other people remember her as. They knew her before she started loosing her sanity but I am pretty sure she didn’t have much of it when I was born. Her photos of her in her 20s vs her 30s are just very different. Maybe it’s natural for us to look different in our 30s from when we were in our 20s but it just seems dramatic. My older sister remembers her differently from how I do. I used to think I must have missed something but now I am sure it’s because she really was different before she had me.
So I constantly think about what she was like in her earlier life prior to having me and loosing my twin. Would she have been healthier psychologically if she hadn’t lost my twin? Or was her history of abuse from childhood just beginning to make her come unhinged so to speak?
Anyway, my mom fascinates me still even though she’s been dead for nearly 5 years. I feel like if I understand what other people saw in her I won’t feel so crazy for not agreeing with their version of her. People who knew her long before I was born always tell me about how wonderful she was and I couldn’t figure it out. But now I’m beginning to see they had the privilege of knowing someone I never got to know.
Who fascinates you?