Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have

Speaking vs. Silence

16 Comments

Does anyone else find it utterly annoying to have someone constantly talking about stuff

Listen to the Silence

Listen to the Silence (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

that isn’t all that important or interesting? I get how it’s an effort to reach out and connect with someone but it doesn’t achieve the purpose at all with me. My dad talks all the time about things I consider not worth mentioning or talking about. Yes, I am a bit of an anomaly as a woman I suppose in not enjoying chatter for its own sake. More and more I find myself wanting to have silence. It’s like I’m too comfortable with my own thoughts and having nothing to listen to but the whir of a table fan. Sometimes that gets annoying too though and I end up turning it off to enjoy the silence more.

What is it that makes me disdain listening to someone talk on and on about basically nothing? Is this something anyone else can relate to or am I simply on my own here? Of course I sound totally unfriendly telling you all this but I am happy to converse or listen to stimulating conversation. Heck, even something unstimulating but new is better than hearing the same thing all the time. If my dad has something to say I haven’t had to listen to already before that’s better than his usual conversation; which is, in my opinion, a way to fill the silence with anything he can think of.

Just so you have an idea of what I’m talking about concerning meaningless conversation I’ll give you a few examples. One would be bringing up what to have for a meal (he eats meat and I don’t so I typically can’t offer suggestions he likes). This is not interesting for me and I usually feel irritation when he asks me about meal choices since I can barely cook anything! Another example would be talking about something he is interested in intensely and not considering that I am not interested in the least. He’ll converse about these interests frequently and often not noticing my complete lack of interest. Specifically, he talks a lot about cars. I have zero interest in the mechanics of cars and anything else about them-except for perhaps their fuel economy because that impacts the environment.

Why am I telling you all this anyway you may wonder? Well I want to know if I am being antisocial somehow or unfair. Is it unfair to want a bit of silence? My dad and me are both introverts but me more so. Am I not being sociable enough? To my mind, it is unnecessary to speak if there is nothing of importance to say. I realize that likely makes me sound like a bit of a crank or something but it’s how it is. This also extends to social media but I can tune out what I don’t like there. Real life is not so simple.

Okay, I’m done with my ranting. If you survived this long I thank you for persevering.

Β©Natalya, 2012-2013.

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Author: Natalya

Blogging my thoughts and feelings about mostly mental health, meditation and spirituality(non religious). Hoping to connect with other interesting people in the blogosphere. *The name is Russian and is my pseudonym.

16 thoughts on “Speaking vs. Silence

  1. Natalya, I can relate to wanting quiet. Have you ever heard the term “highly sensitive people?” I think I have a link on my blog to a site that talks about it. Basically, some people are just extremely sensitive to outside stimuli. This can be noise, temperature, textures, etc. I can not stand noise! I’m like you in that I like the whirl of a fan, but not much else. The AC window unit annoys me. I can’t stand to have a television or radio on in the background.

    I also have a really difficult time maintaining interest in people’s small talk. I just don’t care. If it doesn’t directly impact my life, or like you mentioned, is not interesting, I don’t want to listen. I used to have a friend who’d talk incessantly about the same issues in her life over and over. Once I think I actually fell asleep on the phone with her! LOL Oops! But she was also a different nationality and religion than I am. When she talked about her culture and religion, I was riveted. I loved learning about it.

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know I can relate. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. I think as far as your dad goes you may want to try to listen to car stuff every now and again just because he is your dad. You know… family. Other than that I know I haven’t any plans to try to force myself to converse more with people when I’m not interested in talking or listening. But I do consider myself a big ole crank a lot of the time… so I dunno. I like and need my quiet!

    Fellow cranky blogger,
    rl

    • LOL, thanks for the commiseration! Yes, I fall into the HSP category.

      I do listen to my dad talk about cars but he talks about them almost everyday and sometimes multiple times a day! My dad enjoys relating stories about people he knows and I usually end up telling him he’s being a gossip, LOL. It’s not something I want to hear about if t hurts or attacks someone’s character so I shut these conversations down quickly. I’m not a saint though and can be negative at times but I refrain from gossip as it’s never appealed to me at all.

      You’re probably no more of a crank than I am. We just prefer mental stimulation and large does of silence for recharging.

  2. Well, I can certainly relate, because I have family members like this too.

    This is partly an issue of personality type, and yours is one that is generally interested in deeper forms of communication, or none at all.

    Introverts largely live inside their own minds, and they are not interested in someone else’s world continually intruding upon theirs. This is not a character flaw, it is simply a personality trait.

    Listening to someone talk endlessly is a form of stimulation, and introverts simply have a limited tolerance for this.

    The other issue, and probably a more significant one, is that some people are so deeply wounded by their past life history that they prefer to speak constantly to cover the sound of their own thoughts. Any period of silence would allow unpleasant emotions to creep in, so it can’t be tolerated. I know people like this too.

    Finally, certain personality or learning disorders such as narcissism or some forms of autism can cause constant discourse on topics that are of interest to the speaker, but not necessarily to the listener. The person who has these issues probably really is not aware that their audience is less enthralled than they are.

    In this situation, probably the best you can do is either speak up politely and ask for a period of silence (making the excuse that you need to work, read, or think), or try to separate yourself from the person and find a private place to retreat to. The bathroom might work, if nothing else!

    I certainly sympathize, and you may have to stand up for your right to silence at least part of the time. It really can be golden. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Jenny πŸ™‚
      My dad has a learning disability affecting his expressive language, among other things. Not sure which one exactly but he definitely has a LD of some sort. It’s not really something he’s conscious of so I usually have to be blunt if I want him to stop talking about something for awhile.

      He also has a lot of hurt from this lifetime that he has never dealt with. I do my best to help where I can but I can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to. Still, he seems a bit better in certain areas due to my insights.

      LOL, the bathroom definitely comes in handy when I need an escape! πŸ˜‰

  3. I’m with you, I can’t concentrate on much for long. If I’m on the phone, it’s weird but I have to play solitaire on the computer to be able to concentrate. I guess it could come from years of lectures from the father.

  4. Natalya……..nothing wrong with you……..silence is indeed “golden” but many have to learn that.

  5. Thanks for validating a conversation I had just yesterday with a sister. Both of us revel in and appreciate silence. πŸ™‚

  6. I hear you, sorry for the pun!
    There is nothing quite like a shared silence which connects on a much deeper level than any conversation.
    I once considered the benefits of telepathic communication but how would you shut people out?
    Still, give me some time in the open woods/fields/bush/forest or beach, alone with my thoughts, or none at all and I’m content.
    Perhaps HSP is more common than we know?
    Ciao, Susan 😊

  7. The Chinese have a saying ‘talking is not good for the heart’ it sounds like you are experiencing this. Hope your feeling better with that off your chest x

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