Well my grandmother died earlier today (Saturday). I don’t feel much of anything at the moment. We weren’t close and I didn’t exactly love her so I’m not sure if I “should” feel anything now or not. She took a stroke a week ago in the nursing home she was in and couldn’t swallow afterward. As she also had dementia and was in a very poor state no food or water was pushed on her. Thus; it was a matter of waiting ’til she died “naturally”.
There will be a small service for the benefit of my aunts and dad who had an attachment to her. Personally, I never was able to form loving feelings for her because my mother had always told me about her when I was growing up in a very negative light. She had abused her children severely and I just couldn’t develop the warm feelings one does for their grandparents typically. The maternal grandfather was a pedophile so I didn’t think much of him either. Mom kept my sister and I away from her parents when we were growing up because she never forgave them. So not meeting my grandmother until an adult it was harder to form loving feelings for her.
I’m not sure there is any merit to my attending her funeral service given I’ll have to see family there I prefer to avoid. Is it really beneficial to attend a funeral service when I don’t feel anything for the deceased? Granted it is “proper” and “expected” one attend their grandparent’s funeral if able to but “proper” and “expected” are in the realm of inauthentic and I try to be authentic. So, what to do? Hmmm. I know I will just have to meditate on the dilemma and see what comes to me that way.
How do you deal with death of family members you don’t love?
- Grandmother is Dying (reflectionsonlifethusfar.wordpress.com)