My parents both lack(ed) self awareness and insight into themselves. Now that my mother is dead I get to hear things my
mother said repeated by my dad who worshipped her. Apparently, when my mother was in the last stage of her life with Alzheimer’s, she said she had never hurt anyone and didn’t understand why she was suffering. Now I am not going to speculate on what brought the Alzheimer’s on but I do know she also claimed something similar when she was more lucid. My mother hurt me loads of times, as well as my sister and my dad but she never recognized those things. Which leads me to query how someone can be that blissfully ignorant of their own a/effects on others?
I’m certain my mother had Narcissistic Personality Disorder so it could be the personality disorder that robbed her self awareness. But whatever it was it meant my mom could be mean spirited and not recognize it. As some may already know if you’ve read my other posts, my mother abused me as a child. So clearly she was not someone who had never hurt anybody in her life. Often she hurt my dad but my dad was so beaten down by his father that he never even saw my mother’s behaviour as abusive. Even now he keeps her enshrined in his memory. His father is similarly praised in spite of the hurtful things he said to my dad all his life. Does it change anything just because one can’t see they’re being abused?
If you think it’s okay to do a particular thing but others are hurt by it then is it still okay? I don’t think so. Of course it depends on what we’re talking about but by and large it’s wrong to do anything that results in someone else’s pain. Mom never went to therapy so didn’t get the help she needed. This resulted in my sister and I being raised by a very dysfunctional woman. None of this stopped her from viewing herself as a celebrity and star however. In her mind she was special and others were just sad sacks. As a child she would tell me she was pretty much a genius and I would never be able to compare to her superior status. You may imagine this resulted in my self esteem being weakened. To this day I feel that I am never intelligent enough and always lacking. She also claimed to have superior physical prowess which didn’t exactly help me any either self esteem wise.
It’s kind of late here and I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my employment counsellor. It’s a six month follow up since I decided the employment counselling wasn’t helping me any. So I will end here even though it’s kind of unfinished-my post. Sorry for that.
- Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Top 10 Warning Signs You’re Being Gaslighted (projectblissful.com)
- Narcissism narcissistic personality disorder: Sedna (seoforindiaa.wordpress.com)