Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have



Today is my grandmother‘s funeral I’m not attending on the grounds that it’s bad for my emotional well being. You see, my grandmother was severely abusive to her children and never saw anything wrong with it. Maybe it was the time my mom and her siblings grew up in but besides the physical abuse there was denial. Mom’s father sexually abused her throughout her childhood and my grandmother never supported my mother when she told what was happening. Instead she forced my mother to leave home whilst remaining with her incestuous pedophile husband and three other kids. The years following my mom’s departure from her childhood home saw no reaching out from my grandmother to my mom to make amends. Nothing. Just denial anything happened and a disgusting lack of ethics in remaining with a man who sexually abused his own kids.

So I stayed home in protest. If anyone (family) does ask I’m going to be honest and tell them exactly why I didn’t attend my grandmother’s funeral. I am sick of denial and phoniness. My aunts will hear the truth if they do phone me to inquire why I didn’t attend. On the other hand, my dad might make up a bogus story to “cover” for me. He will be covering up his own discomfort though because I don’t want him to lie for me.

In an effort to keep my mind off the funeral I cleaned this morning and afternoon. Thankfully there are plenty of things requiring cleaning to distract myself with!

©Natalya, 2013.



Author: Natalya

Blogging my thoughts and feelings about mostly mental health, meditation and spirituality(non religious). Hoping to connect with other interesting people in the blogosphere. *The name is Russian and is my pseudonym.

9 thoughts on “Distractions

  1. Good for you! That’s my coping mechanism of choice, too, as you know! 🙂

  2. It’s tough to be the first one out of the denial trance. It requires courage, which you clearly have…praying for grace.

  3. Awesome! Kudos to you for doing what is best for you!!! 🙂 I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately or keeping up with blogs. But I’m always here if you need me! I’m online at least a little every day! Glad to hear you’re taking care of yourself and got cleaning done too! Way to be positive. Take care, rl

  4. I’m exactly the same! Cleaning helps distract my mind too.
    I wouldn’t attend my grandfather’s funeral either for the very same reason. He sexually abused his 8 daughters. My grandmother eventually left him but it wasn’t easy for her, as women didn’t have much support in those days. She had 3 sons and one of them was my abuser. I hug you and understand you staying away. Huge hug, Paula xxxxx

    • Thank you Paula!
      Oh, I’m so sorry you had a similar family dynamic with your grandparents. Thank you for sharing though as it makes it feel less like it’s something other people don’t experience. I am sorry your aunts and you suffered as well. Abuse just keeps happening when we don’t say anything. That’s great your grandmother had the courage to leave your grandfather. It was a different time they grew up in but I still don’t know how one stays with a spouse that has abused their own kids 😦

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