Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have


Book Recommendation: Life after near Death

Buy the book here:  or here:


I don’t know much German so Google translated the phrase out of curiosity. It translates literally as “Quick flees the time was ready” which I think may be better stated as “our time goes too quickly” or perhaps “Times flies before we are ready”. Sorry for the poor translation.

As a NDE (near death experiencer) this book is invaluable. I finally feel like there are answers to the questions I have had ever since my NDE in late 2000. The author has had her own NDE and interviews others including their experiences in her book. She comes from a research background so it’s not a book filled with ‘New Age’ concepts as much as personal stories and evidence based research (but don’t worry it is far from dry or tedious).

The book came out earlier this year and I just found it at my local library. It has given me a sense of peace knowing I am not alone in what I experienced and the after effects of the NDE. I even found myself thinking “aha! so that’s WHY I do/feel like that” and just generally feeling less crazy. Best of all is finding out about how all people who’ve had a NDE have muddy brown/black and white in their aura representing the trauma and shift in consciousness following the NDE. A friend able to see/read auras told me (before I found this book) I had a the black and white colours in my aura as described in the book. It really helped me feel better knowing everyone has that aura if they’ve had a NDE.

If you have had a Near Death Experience or know someone who has you should read this book! I’m not getting paid to promote or endorse or anything-I just want people to have something they can go to and find comfort/answers to some of their questions about the near death experience. You might find it in your local library or book store or you can order it on Amazon.

©Natalya for Reflections on Life Thus Far, 2016.



Claircognizance-psychic or just really intuitive?

This is a bit of a departure from my usual posts and the themes found in them but I’d like to discuss my claircognizance a little bit. Unlike clairvoyance, I don’t usually see lots of images or get visions but I “just know things”. Until recently I figured I was just intuitive but when I came across the term claircognizance it fit too perfectly to be “mere intuition” (although I am fairly certain my abilities derive from intuition). So if you aren’t aware of what claircognizance is the easiest way for me to describe it would be to say I know things without knowing how I know them. The information pops into my brain and I can sometimes know future events but not generally.

Crow/Raven on book.

Crow/Raven on book.

Typically, I am just aware of knowing stuff about people and various things I have not actually read about or heard of from someone else. My ability to read people is not work because it just happens instantly-it’s only work if I am zoned out and not present, then I am not good at reading people because I am dissociated. Fortunately, I don’t dissociate much anymore. Besides what I have mentioned I also tend to be able to answer my own questions if I am writing them down, as the information enters my mind. Again, none of this is usually visual; rather, it is usually something ‘heard’ silently and internally, when I am quiet enough to listen. It isn’t clairaudience but I have a bit of that ability too, along with clairsentience (clear hearing and clear feeling respectively). I also have a bit of clairvoyance ability but not as strongly as claircognizance (my mother was more clairvoyant than I am).

These aren’t abilities I set out to nurture or develop they simply happen to be what was always there in me. I suppose claircognizance was naturally nurtured unwittingly because it was strongest in me but that isn’t to say I consciously thought about any of it. Ditto for my other ‘clairs’ that are slightly weaker. Since I tried to kill myself in 2000 I developed brain damage and started having information channeled to me. The channeling hasn’t really continued like it used to except for when I’m meditating-even then it’s not a given I’ll receive any new awareness regarding whatever (usually the Universe and esoteric phenomena). It was strongest in the early to mid 2000s.

Now, I realize much of what I’ve written here could be misconstrued as evidence of my insanity; however, to be fair-and no pun intended-I think I’d know that if it were true! lmao 😉 Insanity and psychic phenomena usually involve negative experiences and outcomes, whereas mine tend to be positive. Psychosis is not a beneficial experience but being ‘psychic’ is. I don’t really consider myself psychic though due to the connotations for fraudulence and mental instability; hence my use of claircognizance and the other clair abilities.

If you would like to tap into your own intuitive abilities of the psychic sort I’d suggest finding a quiet space and meditating so your ego influenced thoughts decrease and space for “awareness” increases. Anyone can develop or cultivate their intuitive abilities if they really desire to do so. It doesn’t mean everyone will have the same level of intuitive ability and not everyone is interested in it either. But if you are there is no reason you can’t increase what ability you do possess already.

A word of caution: when tapping into your intuition you may experience things you aren’t used to and become uncomfortable. If that’s the case just take a break and go back to your usual activities. I experienced distress when I first noticed hearing wisdom in my head from my clairaudience and thought I might be headed for a psychotic episode. However, that didn’t happen (to my knowledge) so no harm done! LOL If you’re strongest clair ability is clairaudience there’s always that concern when you aren’t used to it that maybe you’re going crazy. But I would suggest if the things you are hearing relate to pearls of wisdom and noble kinds of knowledge as mine did/do you shouldn’t worry. You can also always request your Higher Self/Power/Spirit Guides/etc. to only send you comforting knowledge or to give you a break.

I realize to the non-believers all this likely sounds cracked but it is real to those of us experiencing it. Reality may be a solid concrete entity for some but we all interpret it according to our unique perspectives. The idea I perceive reality differently from you or someone else should not be seen as evidence I am living in fantasy-land/on drugs or just plain nuts. It ought to be an invitation to those of you convinced reality is concrete and somehow the same for everyone, so long as they are not crazy or on drugs to allow the possibility of reality being slightly more fluid than you previously thought. If that’s too much for you to do then at least consider the notion one should not mock what they don’t understand.

©Natalya Lyubov, 2014.



Meditation Friend

Yesterday, I got lucky-not that kind of lucky but lucky to find a great meditation cushion

English: A zafu, the pouffe-shaped traditional...

English: A zafu, the pouffe-shaped traditional seat cushion used in zazen (sitting meditation). This one is – as the horizontal name tag reveals – of western make. Deutsch: Ein Zafu, das puffförmige traditionelle Sitzkissen im Zazen (Sitzmeditation). Dieses Exemplar stammt – am waagerechten Namensschild erkennbar – aus westlicher Fertigung. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

at Winners (a store). It’s purple and filled with buckwheat shells which makes it heavy but very good to sit on. Deepak Chopra made the cushion; okay, likely he designed it and someone else made it but you know what I mean hopefully. It has the seven major chakras embroidered on the top and I am just very pleased I came across it when I did because I’ve been wanting a meditation cushion for awhile now. They can be a bit expensive though so I hadn’t managed to get one but this one was only $20 because Winners is a department store that sells stuff with either slight flaws, minor defects, seconds from a manufacturer/designer and that sort of thing. Long story short, I have a pretty purple meditation cushion (zafu pillow) and am quite enthused about it.

Now I can resume my meditation practice I stopped back in February after my inflatable, portable meditation cushion had a leak and wouldn’t retain air for long. I like the one I got yesterday a lot better anyway so I am not missing my old cushion. Now, I know I could have meditated without a cushion but I just didn’t feel inspired without a proper pillow to sit on. I need to feel like I am creating an atmosphere when I meditate and I didn’t feel it when sitting on my bed’s pillows or on a flat mat. Rolled up towels also left me uninspired. Wow, I am rambling so will quit here.

In other news, I started to put the hardware up for the new drape rod and decided not to continue until I can get a drill because attempting to screw a screw into a stud in the wall with a regular old screwdriver is torture. It took me over an hour to manually get a screw into a stud in the wall about 80% of the way. Yes, I am lacking in muscle in my arms but it shouldn’t be so darn hard to get  a screw in the wall just because it’s in a stud. I might try to finish the window I started but the other window will have to wait ’til I get a drill because my arms hurt!

I hope you’re all having a great Friday and enjoy your weekend.

©Natalya, 2013.


Day 29 of 30 Day Challenge

Question: List 10 people dead or alive you would like to have to dinner?

First of all I would never have 10 people over for dinner because that’s too many people for me.

Dinner companions

Dinner companions (Photo credit: on1stsite.)

So I will cheat and tell you five people as that is more than enough for me!

  1. Oprah Winfrey
  2. “The Aura Reader” or Jennifer Lynne Flint
  3. Benjamin Prewitt (yup, the WP blogger/artist with PD)
  4. The Dalai Lama
  5. Eckhart Tolle

So those are the five people I would invite to dinner if I could. All of them are alive and two of the five are not famous but still more than awesome enough for my company! I doubt they would all agree to have dinner with me but who said this had to be realistic? LOL

Who would you invite to dinner (5-10 people)?

©Natalya, 2013.


Portfolio & Counselling

211106301254175104_dmBYAIjF_cAs some of you may know, if you regularly read my blog, I started a portfolio development workshop a month ago. Monday we had our “second” session after finally having a decent day without snow. The chronological timeline I had done two weeks ago, I passed in. My timeline was long compared to some but the length wasn’t important so it was fine. We had more people too so I was feeling less comfortable. I really prefer groups in the 4-8 range, preferably at the lower end. We had 10 on Monday which felt like a lot to me. Also, we ended up getting a new member who, in my opinion, talks too much! She is very verbose that’s all. Nice but verbose, lol. Thankfully other members spoke too though so it wasn’t a case of one member dominating the group. We have a bunch of questions this week we have to answer. They’re to encourage reflection on who we are and what we have done which is what I enjoy. I’ve a good idea of who I am but will have to of course find the appropriate words to express it. The what have I done and my resulting skills will make me think a bit more. I’m not usually as good at identifying what I’ve done and the skills associated but will manage!

Tuesday was my second counselling session I’ve had with my new counsellor (regular readers will know I started seeing a counsellor a few weeks ago for working on myself). It went well. We actually discussed my homework I’d done for the portfolio workshop since it was relevant. I continued to talk about my background and my counsellor said I was resilient. This was nice but not a shock to me by any means since I have already identified myself that way before. She was curious about how I had overcome as much as I have. To which I responded, almost immediately, my independent personality. Alone, my independence hasn’t been what’s saved me but it certainly helped. I suppose I am different from some people in not needing constant companionship/company; on the other hand it has meant I’ve been alone most of my life, aside from a few friends over the years who’ve come and gone. I don’t regret this but would appreciate it if I could have a positive friendship or two that involves people I can actually meet up with in real life. Online friends are wonderful but you can’t go out with them for coffee or a day of shopping.

My counsellor drew attention to the fact I wish to work on my boundaries but have actually had strong physical boundaries; in the sense that I have not allowed anyone to touch me if I didn’t want them to. This is true but I’ve also been a tad rigid too. I barely hug people, never mind an intimate relationship with anyone. In a sense I’ve been too shut off from receiving physical affection because I hated my mother constantly touching me without respect for my feelings. It became a defense against anyone triggering me into reliving my mother’s invasive behaviours. Unfortunately, I need to work on achieving a ‘happy medium’ if I ever hope to have a meaningful romantic relationship with someone. My emotional or psychological boundaries are the ones I need the most help with though. Not that I am without any boundaries but I still struggle to keep them in place.

This past Monday I bought myself a yellow citrine and carnelian crystal to help with my sacral and solar plexus chakras. I’m not sure how to make best use of them yet. Initially I thought I’d put them in a ‘cage’ and wear it as a necklace but maybe I’ll meditate with them instead. I guess I’ll have to think about it a bit more. My book on chakras that mentions the crystals for each chakra says citrine can be for the sacral and solar plexus, the only difference I noticed was it said yellow citrine for the solar plexus and just citrine for the sacral chakra. Anyone know what the difference is?

©Natalya, 2013.



Animal Totems

Some (including myself) believe we have animal totems or animal spirit guides. With that in mind I thought it would be interesting to see which animals are usually picked as totems and what they mean. It turns out there are way more than I originally thought! So here is a link to a great website with all the animal totems and their meanings listed.

My animal totem (I believe), or one of them anyway ;)

My animal totem (I believe), or one of them anyway 😉


Channeling Your Spirit Guides

Alright, so I admit this is not for everyone. Some of you may think I’ve lost my marbles but I believe in this stuff! So I want to share it with you. There was a link I posted yesterday that will be the same as this one but instead of aura colours, you get channeling guides! Even if you aren’t into spiritual stuff like I’m sharing you may find it interesting or entertaining anyway 🙂 Visit Sacred Haven’s website to read about how to channel your spirit guides, they are there to help!

Not a spirit guide but I didn't really know what they look like so chose an angel. I haven't actually 'seen' my spirit guide(s) so I'm using my imagination here.

Not a spirit guide but I didn’t really know what they look like so chose an angel. I haven’t actually ‘seen’ my spirit guide(s) so I’m using my imagination here.



Description of Aura Colours

Sacred Haven-Aura Colours

The link above will also take you to the main site which has lots of fun information for anyone spiritually minded (in the non-traditional sense). Enjoy!

The seven chakras.

The seven chakras.