Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have


Feeling Overwhelmed

So I had lunch today with my dad and aunt at a restaurant nearby; it went okay as far as the food went but the conversation was less pleasing. My dad decided to run by my aunt a few things he’s been fixated on over the past year and I have had to hear about from him regularly. Honestly, I don’t know if I believe all that he says because it sounds like paranoid thinking to my mind. That being said he believes it and I have no way to verify what he said as true short of confronting the people thought to be involved and asking them what they said, which would be horribly awkward and offensive considering the content. Legal advice might solve the issues but I don’t know how to approach the topic since I only heard what my dad said and not the other people involved. Much of the discussion is really awful and makes me feel disbelieving.


I would like to consider the legal counsel route but I have trouble thinking on the situation since it involves some ‘touchy’ topics. The situation makes me feel quite ill really. I hate thinking about it all. If my dad is wrong and actually delusional than is a lawyer going to be able to help?

At first I was angry with my dad for being fixated on the subject but now I just feel overwhelmingly helpless and sad. Yes, I can maybe contact a lawyer or someone like that but I don’t feel like I have the right to interfere. My dad might be okay with me seeking legal advice for him but it makes little difference in how I feel cornered and pressured to be dad’s champion. My aunt asked me and I couldn’t think of a way to say no. It would be better if my dad was willing to address the issue himself but he tends to communicate poorly. He has a few learning disabilities and his ability to express himself is somewhat limited in more complex situations. Hence, the reason my aunt wanted me to talk for my dad. But I am not sure I can do it.


The main reason I feel a desire to help is I figure it might give my dad some concrete facts instead of what he believes was said orally between him and the others involved. I’m skeptical of the events occurring as he said they did but I don’t have any proof for either side of the claim. Also, I am concerned that any inquiry made by the lawyer (if I go that route) may alert the other people involved since it’s an argument over a will. All I want is to have the lawyer say whether there’s a will or not and if my dad was included in it as a recipient. Then I can figure out if more needs to be done or not. As it stands, I don’t have confirmation of anything so any facts the lawyer could give would help. Beyond that I am not looking forward to because I hate confrontation and conflict.

I wish I could hibernate for the winter and avoid any conflict until Spring when it’s not so dreary outside. Maybe I would have a brighter outlook by then and my dad might actually have figured out the situation wasn’t as bad as he believed. If only.

Thanks for reading.

©Natalya L., Reflections On Life Thus Far, 2016.



Life’s A Journey

So true! Now to convince my ego of this…

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Day 20 of 30 Day Challenge

Question: How important do you think education is?

Personally, I think education is very important. It should be available to anyone wishing to learn

Peace Education

Peace Education (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

not just those with healthy bank accounts. Education opens doors for people and allows one to enter into new ‘worlds’. But education need not be limited to colleges and universities. We can get an education through informal means too, such as lived experience, media, friends, etc.

Education matters to me and always has but lately I have realized one needn’t spend their life in school to learn new things. Until recently I always felt education only mattered if it gave you a diploma, certificate or degree. But I have learned to see the variety of informal means for getting an education. We shouldn’t disregard all the ways we learn simply because we didn’t earn a credential for it.

Ideally, learning should never end and we should always keep our minds open to new information. We’re never too old or too young to learn something we didn’t know before.

©Natalya, 2013.


What Am I Doing? lol

Okay, I’m supposed to be doing my “learning narrative” for my portfolio workshop I attend on Mondays but instead I’m wasting time on Polyvore! I’ve got a ‘to do’ list with very little checked off. What is it about homework that makes me procrastinate? Polyvore is a big waste of time but it’s more fun than thinking about what I learned from a memorable learning experience.

What are you doing this St. Patrick’s Day weekend?

FYI-St. Patrick was originally British but got captured or taken to Ireland. I heard it on CBC radio this morning on one of the morning programmes.

©Natalya, 2013.


Living From Your Head to Your Heart

Where do you live primarily, in your head or heart? I ask because, lately, I’ve been wrestling with some difficult feelings, memories, thoughts etc and want to deal with them at an emotional level-or at the heart level. After years of learning my lessons intellectually it’s abundantly clear to me the only progress comes about when the heart accepts the lessons. So I am trying to let go of old, negative things while incorporating it into my heart. In other words, learning emotionally what I learnt intellectually years ago. Really, you’d think it would be easier to learn through your heart but if you have been in your head for years, like me, it’s incredibly challenging. In fact, it is a test of one’s dedication to a pursuit when you have spent so many years learning things through your head and now recognize your heart is behind, often not on a different page, but an entirely different chapter! So I back up and start again where I believed I’d already gone so my heart can learn too. It’s through this self compassion that my heart catches up with my brain.

So how about you? Have you ever had to take a step, or three, back to let your heart catch up? Or have you forgotten your poor, neglected heart believing only the mind matters? Share your experiences! I could use some commiseration from others going through the same thing, lest I imagine I’m the only one to learn everything in the wrong area!


© Zen Lady Meditating and Reflections On Life Thus Far, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Zen Lady Meditating and Reflections On Life Thus Far with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.