Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have



Life is testing me right now because after months of letting the housecleaning get put on the back burner it’s caught up to me. We have rats (roof rats) and I am really p*ssed off because I am the one doing all the cleaning now. My dad is not tidy and rarely cleans up after himself. Maybe I should cut him some slack but it feels like he doesn’t care about the clutter and dirt and he leaves it for me. In fact if it were not for the rats I likely would not have been motivated to clean up and declutter. So in that respect I am grateful for the rodents.

I’ve been trying to trap them humanely (catch and release) but they have evaded capture


Roof rat on top of a bird feeder. Pic is public domain.

thus far. All I hope for now is to eliminate the food sources and clutter so they will find somewhere else to live. Cleaning up rat poop is not fun and makes me feel worse about how slack I’ve been in keeping house these past months (prior to when I spotted one late in May). It’s like this is my punishment for being depressed and not having the motivation for keeping a clean, tidy home. Now I have no choice but to clean and declutter if I want the rats to go. Technically I have only ever seen two but I am sure there are likely more. Why do they have to be so cute? It would be easier to hate them but even now I am only angry over their unsanitary practices (i.e. pooping in places that are not the toilet, or leaving food they found before I smartened up and put the food in sealed glass containers). Honestly, I am really grossed out by their poop and have trouble falling asleep because any noise I hear makes me think of the rats. It’s wearing me down.



Roof rat. Public domain pic.

There’s just something about having a rat problem that makes me feel horribly dirty. I wish they would just leave and not return. They are making a lot of cleaning work for me and I do not like it! The grass, trees and rose bushes have to be trimmed too since they likely hide in such spots. Gosh, I feel like there is an awful lot to do so they will hopefully leave. Even if I was alright with killing them (I’m not) it would still be necessary to do the cleaning and decluttering so they don’t come back. As it is though I don’t want to kill them because they are dirty and messy but not any worse than humans. Plus they are cute and it’s awfully hard to murder a small furry creature that simply wants to live somewhere and have something to eat. I just hope they don’t damage anything important like pipes or electrical wiring.


©Natalya, Reflections on Life Thus Far, 2016.



False Alarm: Company Is NOT Coming

Alright, in my previous post I bemoaned my dad having a card game in our messy house. I complained about the embarrassment of having someone visit and see your untidy home. Well my anxiety was unnecessary for today as the company we were to have had to cancel. She phoned to let us know a family member injured themselves and she had to take them to the ER. So all my b*tching and complaining culminated in me feeling guilty like I’d somehow caused the accident that prevented our guest from coming. I wonder if this is going to be bad karma for me somehow? Hopefully her family member isn’t too badly injured 😦

©Natalya, 2013.



Company Coming!

My dad is having a card game with a friend this evening in our home. That sounds rather


The Card Players 1892-95 Oil on canvas, 60 x 7...

The Card Players 1892-95 Oil on canvas, 60 x 73 cm Courtauld Institute of Art, London (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


benign until you consider I have to be introduced and likely engage in some type of polite conversation. Then there’s the unpleasant fact our home is a mess because my dad hoards stuff. It’s hard to clean with a bunch of stuff in your way! Anyway, this woman is coming to play ‘crib’ or ‘bridge’-can’t remember, and I’m dreading it b/c of the messiness. I feel ashamed and don’t want to meet the woman. I want to stay hidden and avoid interaction so I don’t have to experience acute embarrassment. Why couldn’t he have just gone down the street to her house and played cards there instead? Hmm, maybe her place is messy too! Oy vey! 😛


©Natalya, 2013.