Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have


Claircognizance-psychic or just really intuitive?

This is a bit of a departure from my usual posts and the themes found in them but I’d like to discuss my claircognizance a little bit. Unlike clairvoyance, I don’t usually see lots of images or get visions but I “just know things”. Until recently I figured I was just intuitive but when I came across the term claircognizance it fit too perfectly to be “mere intuition” (although I am fairly certain my abilities derive from intuition). So if you aren’t aware of what claircognizance is the easiest way for me to describe it would be to say I know things without knowing how I know them. The information pops into my brain and I can sometimes know future events but not generally.

Crow/Raven on book.

Crow/Raven on book.

Typically, I am just aware of knowing stuff about people and various things I have not actually read about or heard of from someone else. My ability to read people is not work because it just happens instantly-it’s only work if I am zoned out and not present, then I am not good at reading people because I am dissociated. Fortunately, I don’t dissociate much anymore. Besides what I have mentioned I also tend to be able to answer my own questions if I am writing them down, as the information enters my mind. Again, none of this is usually visual; rather, it is usually something ‘heard’ silently and internally, when I am quiet enough to listen. It isn’t clairaudience but I have a bit of that ability too, along with clairsentience (clear hearing and clear feeling respectively). I also have a bit of clairvoyance ability but not as strongly as claircognizance (my mother was more clairvoyant than I am).

These aren’t abilities I set out to nurture or develop they simply happen to be what was always there in me. I suppose claircognizance was naturally nurtured unwittingly because it was strongest in me but that isn’t to say I consciously thought about any of it. Ditto for my other ‘clairs’ that are slightly weaker. Since I tried to kill myself in 2000 I developed brain damage and started having information channeled to me. The channeling hasn’t really continued like it used to except for when I’m meditating-even then it’s not a given I’ll receive any new awareness regarding whatever (usually the Universe and esoteric phenomena). It was strongest in the early to mid 2000s.

Now, I realize much of what I’ve written here could be misconstrued as evidence of my insanity; however, to be fair-and no pun intended-I think I’d know that if it were true! lmao 😉 Insanity and psychic phenomena usually involve negative experiences and outcomes, whereas mine tend to be positive. Psychosis is not a beneficial experience but being ‘psychic’ is. I don’t really consider myself psychic though due to the connotations for fraudulence and mental instability; hence my use of claircognizance and the other clair abilities.

If you would like to tap into your own intuitive abilities of the psychic sort I’d suggest finding a quiet space and meditating so your ego influenced thoughts decrease and space for “awareness” increases. Anyone can develop or cultivate their intuitive abilities if they really desire to do so. It doesn’t mean everyone will have the same level of intuitive ability and not everyone is interested in it either. But if you are there is no reason you can’t increase what ability you do possess already.

A word of caution: when tapping into your intuition you may experience things you aren’t used to and become uncomfortable. If that’s the case just take a break and go back to your usual activities. I experienced distress when I first noticed hearing wisdom in my head from my clairaudience and thought I might be headed for a psychotic episode. However, that didn’t happen (to my knowledge) so no harm done! LOL If you’re strongest clair ability is clairaudience there’s always that concern when you aren’t used to it that maybe you’re going crazy. But I would suggest if the things you are hearing relate to pearls of wisdom and noble kinds of knowledge as mine did/do you shouldn’t worry. You can also always request your Higher Self/Power/Spirit Guides/etc. to only send you comforting knowledge or to give you a break.

I realize to the non-believers all this likely sounds cracked but it is real to those of us experiencing it. Reality may be a solid concrete entity for some but we all interpret it according to our unique perspectives. The idea I perceive reality differently from you or someone else should not be seen as evidence I am living in fantasy-land/on drugs or just plain nuts. It ought to be an invitation to those of you convinced reality is concrete and somehow the same for everyone, so long as they are not crazy or on drugs to allow the possibility of reality being slightly more fluid than you previously thought. If that’s too much for you to do then at least consider the notion one should not mock what they don’t understand.

©Natalya Lyubov, 2014.




When the News Overwhelms Me

“Although you appear in earthly form, your essence is pure consciousness. You are the fearless guardian of Divine Light.” RUMI

I have to be careful what I allow myself to read because I am easily affected by violence; it makes me feel pain and sorrow. Then I get angry that humans are still hurting others (human and non human animals). The thing is I know there are a number of positive things happening in the world but only the worst stories get reported on. When I read about the tragedies I just want to scream. I can’t stand it. Feeling is so immensely painful at times like this when I have been reading and watching too many negative stories happening around the globe. What do you do to handle the pain? I don’t like being ignorant of what is going on in the world but it really hurts me knowing the horrors in detail. Maybe it’s better to be ignorant in this case.

Ever since I was a child I have felt too much. Then I learned how to dissociate and not feel at all. But therapy has given me back my ability to feel and I find it can get overwhelming for me. Why does the news have to share such negative stories? I think if there were more positive stories being shared people would raise their own vibration level to match and lower vibrations contributing to negative stories would diminish. We are perpetuating the negative incidences occurring by disseminating them on a global scale. What would happen to our world if we stopped reporting every negative story and started reporting only the positive? Would the world become more positive? How do you feel when you hang around happy people? Good? Then negative/miserable people? Low? I believe we need to focus on what we wish to cultivate in our world. By focusing on violence and injustice that is what we cultivate but that does not need to be the case!

I am not saying depressed people or people going through hard times have to pretend they are happy; what I am talking about is the widespread cultural obsession in the press to circulate negative events. We need a cultural shift that focuses on everything positive and beneficial that is happening so we can contribute to that energy level. Our own personal vibration will increase the more we think and do positive things.

Trust me when I say I have not always believed these things I’m saying here but I believe them now. These ideas I am sharing have presented themselves to me and I trust them to be true-I KNOW they are true. Oh how I wish I could influence more people so that the news we listen to/watch or read would be good news! You don’t need to live in a fantasy world either to believe what I do. I don’t think my thoughts are fantastical. In fact I know there are more people besides myself who believe the same things. Good stuff happens all the time but we close our eyes to it and only watch for the bad because that is how we have been conditioned. It need not be this way though.

If you believe, as I do, that what we “feed” is what “grows” then you’ll see how I came to my conclusion. The more we feed our media/press with horrible news the larger it becomes. It “spreads” and takes over. But imagine how nice it would be if we could start seeing only positive news? I know I’m repeating myself but it’s important to reiterate my message. I want our world to be a happy place. Maybe you don’t think it’s possible with everything that is going on now but that’s just because we never get to hear about all the wonderful, good news happening in every corner of our globe.

What do you notice when someone does a kind act for you? You feel nice and maybe want to do a kind thing for someone else, right? Well, likewise, with our media/press we would start feeling compelled to act in more positive ways if we noticed others doing so. Although it may be unpleasant to think we are so easily influenced by others it remains true that others definitely do influence our actions. There may be a few of us who are less influenced but it doesn’t mean we aren’t influenced at all. So I think now is the time to start spreading positive messages to counteract the negativity in circulation.

Now don’t misinterpret what I am saying here. I am not saying we cannot share our feelings and thoughts if they are less positive, just that we need to be careful what we are “feeding”. Even very optimistic people have their low moments but they tend not to put much focus/energy into them. By simply acknowledging our feelings or thoughts and accepting them we are demonstrating some compassion for ourselves. Learning compassion will greatly benefit you and everyone around you. If we can show loving kindness to ourselves we’ll be kinder to others too; it will be a ripple effect.

This is how we will change the news because we won’t tolerate endless negative stories from our news sources. The public will demand more positive news be included and not just as a token piece at the back of the paper or at the end of a news report. I know I might sound slightly mad here but I am pretty sure my ideas aren’t so ‘far out there’ really.

Think about it.

How do you cope with the endless onslaught of negative news everyday?

©Natalya, 2013.


Fun With Archetypes

I found an interesting website based on Caroline Myss‘s book about Archetypes recently released. It’s informative and fun. There’s a quiz you can do that tells you your three top archetypes in order and a bunch of information available. I only came across it today but really enjoy the archetype info. My top three in order are: intellectual,spiritual, and caregiver. The first two are actually tied. You can visit the site here that shows my info but you’ll get to see your own too once you take the quiz:

©Natalya, 2013.



Channeling Your Spirit Guides

Alright, so I admit this is not for everyone. Some of you may think I’ve lost my marbles but I believe in this stuff! So I want to share it with you. There was a link I posted yesterday that will be the same as this one but instead of aura colours, you get channeling guides! Even if you aren’t into spiritual stuff like I’m sharing you may find it interesting or entertaining anyway 🙂 Visit Sacred Haven’s website to read about how to channel your spirit guides, they are there to help!

Not a spirit guide but I didn't really know what they look like so chose an angel. I haven't actually 'seen' my spirit guide(s) so I'm using my imagination here.

Not a spirit guide but I didn’t really know what they look like so chose an angel. I haven’t actually ‘seen’ my spirit guide(s) so I’m using my imagination here.



Finding Meaning & Reason(s) To Live

Never Give Up The holidays are stressful for the best of us and those of us who’ve endured trauma often find it even more so. Thus, old wounds are liable to either reopen or become irritated. We may fall back into unhealthy patterns of behaviour or thinking. Perhaps we are alone or have lost connection with those whom we are most used to seeing around this time of year. Whatever the reason for one’s discontent it usually stems from some sort of lack of larger meaning or purpose in one’s life. It wasn’t until I was 27 that I KNEW I needed some type of belief system, atheism or agnosticism weren’t sufficient anymore. I needed more support than the simple belief we are just bodies and once we die that’s the end. Unlike some I didn’t run for the nearest church; instead, I rationally inquired within myself what beliefs I had and if they were open to growth? So I ended up delving into meditation and deeper into Eastern Philosophy/Buddhism. They provided me with the sustenance I had been looking for.

Living one’s life without ANY spiritual or religious compass can be a lot to handle when crisis hits. For myself, I’d grown

Meaning-is there any?

Meaning-is there any?

up never attending church and not being forced to believe anything. It went well for awhile until my mother died, then I realized being Agnostic wasn’t going to cut it if I was going to survive with any meaning in my life. Just having a vague idea about the Cosmos wasn’t adequate anymore. What I’m trying to convey here is if you’re going through a crisis it can be immensely valuable to find yourself a belief system to feel supported by. Some of us don’t have many real life supports in our life so a system of faith or philosophy can help a great deal. You needn’t become a born again Christian, Muslim, Hindu etc, just find something you can believe in. Heck, you don’t even have to totally believe the religion or philosophy but you need to accept something BIGGER than yourself. It might be your “wise mind” or your “higher self” if you can’t stomach religion. Anything that takes you ABOVE your mortal, everyday complaints and puts life into perspective for you will work. You need to feel there is a point to being alive, that you aren’t merely existing until the day you die.

I’d recommend choosing a person in your life to live for but you never know what could happen to them, or yourLotus relationship; thus the advocacy for a belief system. I struggle some days with why am I here? Why am I alive still? At times I don’t have any decent sounding answers, but mostly I come back to my beliefs and they sustain me. They aren’t based on a god or number or gods either, my beliefs are eclectic(largely Buddhist but not totally), some might say ‘New Age‘. Whatever you call them, they help keep me going. At the end of the day that’s all you want, isn’t it? A reason to not self destruct? There’s no reason you can’t change your beliefs either if they aren’t working for you. Examine the different philosophies available, shop for your religion like the well informed consumer you are(if you’re a Westerner)! If there is a God, S/He would want you to find them no matter which path you decided on (no offence to the more conservative believers out there).

As a final thought I will add doing volunteer work, or community involvement, can be fulfilling and even stand in as a religion for some folk(Secular Humanism). If you are not keen on adopting a faith or philosophy dedicating your energies to causes you support can act as a useful system of meaning. Many people derive satisfaction from helping others and don’t hold any religious beliefs. Find what works best for you. Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else and you’ll be doing wonderfully. Be kind to yourself and others, people.

©Reflectionsonlifethusfar, 2012.


Personality Variations as Seen Through the Lens of Soul Level/Type

I’ve been read a book called The Instruction: Living the Life Your Soul Intended by Ainslie MacLeodthat

Cover of "The Instruction: Living the Lif...

Cover via Amazon

details how our soul age influences our personalities in this life. The author goes over different fears associated with different soul ages and types, as well as various ‘missions’ or lessons. It’s a unique way of viewing the people in your life-including yourself, as it addresses variances between people in a way that hopefully engenders compassion from the reader.

Certainly, for myself, I found that I was having lots of ‘aha’ moments where people’s previous irksome behaviours seemed to now be “forgivable”. No longer can I think of myself as being superior or inferior to others. Instead, I look at people through this new ‘lens of awareness’, if you like, and understand better why what annoyed me before about people doesn’t so much now.

It’s hard to be annoyed by someone if you know they can’t help it!  Of course I still get annoyed but it doesn’t last when I remind myself that I am no better because I have a soul age “past all that nonsense”; as I was once in their shoes too. If I view everyone through this enlarging lens it allows me to have easier access to compassion. I find myself listening to the news or reading something and the people involved correspond predictably to their soul age/level in their actions and beliefs.

It helped me to understand why some people think acts of violence, including war, are acceptable; whilst to others, including myself, it’s abhorrent. So I’m not judging people so much now thinking in some sort of smug way that I’m enlightened, whereas war mongers and proponents of violence are neanderthals. I guess I’ve given up my throne of moral and ethical superiority and decided I can have my views but am no better or worse for them.

What are the soul ages or levels? you must be wondering by now. Well they go from level one to level ten. The level one souls are the youngest and level ten the oldest. Everyone else is in between somewhere. This isn’t something scientifically verifiable so any skeptics who absolutely require evidence for everything in order to believe won’t be pleased. However, if you’re open minded and interested I’ll share the descriptions here (my descriptions are very brief so I don’t advise trying to figure your type out with any seriousness until you’ve read the book).

Young souls correspond to level one through five, whilst old soulsgo from level six to level ten. The young souls are

Younger souls have not been around forever but can still have past lives

characterized by a need for simplicity which comes through clearest at level one when they’re still new to being human. Levels two, three and four want to belong socially and are concerned with fitting in, not standing out too much and supporting the status quo. Acceptance of violence being normal and unavoidable are strongest when one’s soul is still young. By level five you find people being very exciting and dynamic wanting to push forward with everything. You can thank level five souls for new forms of transportation and “discovery” of “new” territory and lands. Many political rulers are also level five souls, as they enjoy holding power. Desire for keeping up with others will be strongest when one is still a young soul-perhaps not materially but in values. Race, gender and class are also most likely to cause problems at the young soul levels. A fear of death is also strongest in young souls.

By level six the soul enters into the old category. Level six, seven and eight souls start seeing through the illusion of materialism and physical world preoccupations. Starting at level six there is a great need for introspection but uncertainty about where to find happiness. Thank level sixes for trade unions and cooperatives because they value what’s best for the community instead of only themselves. Level seven and eight are inventors, innovators and highly creative and curious. Many of the world’s great artists and inventors belong to level seven and eight souls. Environmentalists also belong to these levels, as they become concerned for the future of the planet. By level nine and ten you’re nearing the end of your journey in human form so illusions fall away more readily and souls of these levels will want to tie up any unfinished business from previous lifetimes, including addictions, phobias and any issue that’s been clinging on for the ride.Self absorption can become a problem at level nine when resolving issues becomes a preoccupation; however level tens are much less self absorbed and try to contribute to society and live quiet lives.

In general, old souls will not be especially caught up in materialism and wanting fame and glory, nor will they be

I’ve been around for a LONG time!

religious or afraid of death. Many will be spiritual though and express their beliefs at an individual level or in smaller groups of like minded folk. Unconventional career choices and an inability to fit in tend to crop up in older souls too. Race, gender and class tend, in general, not to be concerns for older souls.

To sum up, the descriptions are as follows (copied word for word from the book):

  • Level 1: isolation, apprehension, simplicity and naivety
  • Level 2: fundamentalism, nationalism, conservatism, and discrimination
  • Level 3: church, community, conservatism and conformity
  • Level 4: religion, aspiration, morality, conservatism
  • Level 5: ambition, materialism, power and mainstream views
  • Level 6: unity, social justice, drama, and self-questioning
  • Level 7: complexity, curiosity, creativity and intensity
  • Level 8: sophistication, liberalism, environmentalism, and activism
  • Level 9: spirituality, self-improvement, healing and idealism
  • Level 10: altruism, connection, eccentricity and inertia.

After you’ve figured out what soul level you are you can find out what type you are. This is descriptive telling you what

Woman sitting with her dog

focus and traits are associated with your soul type. I shall give you the short version so if you’re interested I encourage you read The Instruction: Living the Life your Soul Intended. It’s an enjoyable read with no attacks on any particular type. Young souls and old souls are equal just different. Same goes for your soul type and mission (soul mission can be read about in the book).

Soul Type
Dedication, stoicism
Empathy, loyalty
Erudition, eloquence
Restraint, rationality
Sensitivity, idealism
Passion, playfulness
Determination, practicality
Charisma, wisdom
Compassion, spirituality
Inspiration, love

To determine which soul type you are look for the one that resonates strongest with you at an intuitive or gut level. Then look for your second strongest to determine your primary influence. Your secondary influence is your third strongest type.

There are ten missions too that further define how you will present in this world. I won’t go through the descriptions but will list what the missions are. You have a primary and secondary mission. The strongest is your primary mission. If you’re at all interested in what I’ve written I’d encourage you to read the book! 🙂

What’s your soul’s mission?

  • Change
  • Exploration
  • Examination
  • Flow
  • Control
  • Connection
  • Reliance
  • Healing
  • Avoidance
  • Love

©Reflectionsonlifethusfar, 2012.


Chakra Affirmations

Recently I bought a book on the chakras called The Book of Chakra Healing. It’s very good for beginners to the topic like me. The book outlines what each chakra is responsible for and how you can balance them if you are not totally ‘up to snuff’! Anyhow, it shares meditations, visualizations, yoga exercises and all sorts of things but what I’ll share with you here are the affirmations. I really like easy, simple affirmations designed to make me/you feel better.

The Root Chakra:

  1. My body is becoming more important to me. I nurture it constantly.
  2. I am taking responsibility for my life. I can cope with any situation.
  3. I recognize the abundance of love, trust, and care surrounding me.
  4. My internal mother is always here for me, protecting, nourishing, and soothing me.
  5. I deserve the best that life has to offer. My needs are always met.
  6. I am connected to Mother Earth and know the security of being grounded in reality, in the moment.

The Sacral Chakra:

  1. I  am moving toward a time when I am totally happy and fulfilled. Life offers me everything I need for that journey.
  2. I am worthy of love and sexual pleasure.
  3. I have a right to express my desires to myself and others.
  4. Who I am is good enough.
  5. Life is unfolding as it should.
  6. I am prepared to honour my body and feel good about my sexuality.

The Solar Plexus:

  1. I accept and value myself exactly as I am.
  2. I know that I am becoming the best person I can be.
  3. I determine to treat myself with honour and respect.
  4. My personal power is becoming stronger everyday.
  5. I am my own person. I choose how to think and behave.
  6. I deserve all the love, joy, and prosperity that comes to me. I am open to receiving all life’s good things.

The Heart Chakra:

  1. I send love to everyone I know; all hearts are open to receive my love.
  2. I accept that pain is an essential part of my growth and development.
  3. I love myself for who I am and the potential within me.
  4. All past hurt I release into the hands of love.
  5. I am grateful for all the love that is in my life.
  6. Other people deserve my compassion.
  7. The love I feel for myself and others is unconditional.
  8. Love will set me free. Others love the best they can. If someone doesn’t love me “enough”, they may be limited in their expression of love and deserve my compassion.

The Throat Chakra:

  1. I am starting to speak up for myself.
  2. What I have to say is worthy of being listened to.
  3. I delight in my self expression and in all of my creative pursuits.
  4. I listen to and acknowledge the needs and wants of others.
  5. I always speak from the Heart.
  6. My thoughts and speech are considered before I utter them.
  7. My voice is becoming stronger and more compelling.

Third Eye Chakra:

  1. I recognize the need for silence and stillness in my life.
  2. The answers to all my questions lie within me.
  3. I trust my inner self to guide and protect me.
  4. I trust my feelings.
  5. I have nothing to prove. I am the Divine Plan manifesting itself.
  6. I am full of wisdom.
  7. I trust that my imagination will create a world of happiness and security for me.
  8. Imagination is the life-blood of my creativity.
  9. I choose to accept myself and others exactly as we are.
  10. Making mistakes enables me to learn, grow, and develop.

The Crown Chakra:

  1. I tune into the union with my Higher Power.
  2. I am starting to accept myself as I am, with love and gratitude.
  3. I cease to limit myself intellectually and in my creativity and connect my spirit to the Source of all knowledge.
  4. I am a unique, radiant, loving being.
  5. I choose to live my life from a place of love and contentment.
  6. I choose to transform my life and become free.
  7. I release all limited thoughts and lift myself up to ever higher levels of awareness.
  8. I am who I am and glory in that.

So there you have the affirmations you are to say to yourself for each of the 7 chakras. I do not have the time to write out what each chakra does so I encourage you to look it up if you’re curious. Good ‘ol Google should turn up loads of results!

©Reflectionsonlifethusfar, 2012.